Aussicus Crocodillio Huntus
by Ciya
Summary: Steve Irwin of 'Crocodile Hunter' fame meets the Winchesters. Crack!fic all the way. Co-written with Jamieo-O at SN dot tv.


_Jamieo-O posted a banner of Dean and Steve Irwin at SN(dot)net which hit my funny bone, so I wrote a little scene involving Steve doing what he did best. Jamieo-O continued with another scene and we ended up taking turns writing this little bit of crack!fic. _

**Aussicus Crocodillio Huntus**

_Scene:_

_-inside a nondescript motel_

A happily sleeping Sammy, snoring away knowing nothing will get past his big brother.

The motel room door slowly opens to reveal Steve Irwin -_Aussicus Crocodillio Huntus_- who quietly walks across the room. He whispers directly into the camera, "you should always be careful when you come across the elusive _Sasquatchiss Sammicus_." Steve stands next to the bed, reaches over and pokes Sam in the shoulder…twice.

Steve jumps back when Sam grumbles then rolls over onto his stomach. Grinning, Steve pokes Sam's sides. He unfortunately trips and falls over a strategically placed duffel bag when Sam surges up and out of bed with a roar, leaping onto the hapless Aussie hunter.

Much rolling and growling is heard, with the occasional tuft of beige cloth floating in the air, before Steve is able to get to his feet and flee the room with Sam in hot pursuit.

Standing outside the room, laughing hysterically, is Dean -_Dontmessicus Deanicus_-. We see Sam has managed to chase Steve up an aspen tree. We hear Latin, in a badly done Aussie accent, being muttered as Sam paces below the tree as he tries to figure out how to get the aspen to bend without accidentally flinging his prize into the next county. Dean says between fits of breathless giggles, "never poke a sleeping Sasquatch."

_-cut to the treetop_

"Now I know what you're thinking, '_Crickey! Steve what've you gotten yourself into now?_ ' But if nothing else, my time at the Australia Zoo has taught me to **always** be prepared to tame a wild animal." With this, Steve removes a _My Chemical Romance _CD from his back pocket and waves it alluringly at Sasquatchiss Sammicus. "If there's one thing the big fella cannot refuse, it's unadulterated American Emo Rock." Sammicus follows the shiny plastic, taking off at full speed as the croc hunter throws it far enough away to clamber down from his lofty sanctuary.

As soon as Steve's feet touched the ground, a high-pitched whistle stopped Sam in his tracks. They both turned towards the sound to see Dean pointing in Steve's direction. Letting out a roar that would have turned a T-Rex's innards to jelly, Sam spun around and charged at the stunned Aussie. Invoking a plea to the Gods of Barbied Vegemite Sandwiches, Steve ran towards the nearest wheeled conveyance. Diving into the black behemoth and reaching for the steering wheel Steve found himself, to his chagrin, sitting on the passenger side of the Impala having forgotten he was in the land known as 'they drive on the bloody wrong side of the road'.

_-inside the Impala_

Irwin sweats; he knows he's in hostile territory. Images of _Christine_ flash through his mind not a moment to soon as the engine revs, the doors lock and the windows roll up by themselves. He scratches uselessly at the lock pin, the seatbelts wrapping around him with cool precision.

_-cut to exterior of car_

We watch Steve struggle, seeing the light reflections of Dontmessicus Deanicus and Sasquatchiss Sammicus smiling in the window. They turn and stroll back towards the motel to catch up on some much needed shut-eye. Just as they pass the camera, the hood of the Impala lifts and you hear a loud 'BEEELCH'.

The Impala -_Metallicarus Winchesterus_- started to violently shudder and shake while strange sounds emanated from the bowels of the black behemoth. Sam and Dean stared at their wondrous ride with awestruck amazement. Suddenly with much fanfare, and a very gross squishing sound, the trunk flew open and a ball of goo dripping, beige clad Australian was hurled through the air. A scream of "Criiiickeeeeey!" was heard just before Steve landed in the back forty of the local Reptile Gardens.

Having perfect aim, she learned from the best you know, the Impala was able to bulls eye Steve into the main sunning pool of Fluffy the Baby Alligator. Now since all the baby 'gators at the Gardens were named Fluffy that meant Steve was instantly surrounded by twenty or so happy little foot long reptiles.

Seeing what he was surrounded by and being happier than a pig wallowing in mud, Steve grabbed the nearest Fluffy, gave him..her..it a big smackaroo on the snout and started to sing 'Down Under'…off key.

_**FIN **_


End file.
